either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Can you bring me the toilet please
be right there i have to get my cape
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
