Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
