Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize