Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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