Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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