i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
