Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize