Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
