Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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