I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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