Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
