tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
