woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
