So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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