CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Randomize
