dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
