they need to just BURY HIM!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
