Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
