you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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