Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
