i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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