my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
How do I say “I have great tits†without it sounding awful
Randomize
