He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
