I puked a lego.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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