the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My bed smells like the plague
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
