Sry I called you an 8
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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