plz talk dirty to me
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
