I need help removing her.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
