apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
