Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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