I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
