i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize