Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
