some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
