Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
