And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
