I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
