we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I can text with my tongue
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
