Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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