TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
