So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
