Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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