Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
