Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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