My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
