one might say we're banned from that church
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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