Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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