just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
