Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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