Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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