i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize