Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize