there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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