Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
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