What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
God I need to hump something, right now.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
