It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
