My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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