His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
