If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
