I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize