can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
