I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize