we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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