We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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