the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
