I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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