I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
